Our Family of Six

The summer is flying by.  I've been writing a blog entry for weeks now about little Eliza Maree, and it is still not finished!  It might have something to do with the fact that my writing is usually limited to 20 minute intervals while children are sleeping or at night before I collapse into bed.  I will finish that entry because it's a special one that I'm putting a lot of thought into.  Even this blog entry has taken me two weeks to finish!

Eliza is eight weeks old today, and life feels normal again.  It feels like she has been a part of our family forever.  I feel like I was pregnant ages ago--feeling those little kicks inside me and wondering when this little person would make her arrival.  It's strange to think that Hannah and Jack won't remember life before Eliza was here, and almost all of Lilly's memories will be after Eliza arrived as well.

Our summer has been everything that I wanted it to be, and we still have a month before school starts.  We make very few plans and take every day as it comes.  I am making a conscious effort to be present and really enjoy this summer.  We don't have to move into a new house, we don't have summer camps or school drop off and pick ups.  I don't have to rush everyone out the door in the morning.  Some days we stay home and the little ones play out the back in the pool and the water table.  Other days they ride bikes in the culdesac or we go for long walks.  We've been to the library and lots of parks.  We've met up with friends that we don't get to see to often during the school weeks.  The beauty of having no plans is that if it's rainy and everyone wants to stay in pajamas and play in the basement all day, they can do that.  I love seeing what the older three decide to do with their time.  They create elaborate games, pretending to be Jim and me or their favorite family from the neighborhood.  They've set up a store and spent hours shopping and stocking the store.  They spend the majority of their days out the back, making concoctions of dirt and water and bubbles and finding dinosaur fossils (aka rocks).

Since Eliza joined us at the beginning of June, I constantly find myself stopping and being thankful for what I have.  For our growing family with four healthy little ones, a house that I love and am proud to call ours, siblings and parents who come and visit and make life that much more fun, a neighborhood where people couldn't be kinder, close friends who bring over dinner and drinks when they know we can't leave Eliza with a babysitter yet, and most of all, for a husband who has made all this possible.

Having a baby brings out so many emotions (as I'm sure Jim will attest to) and often, these emotions come out of the blue.  Quite a few times, especially those early days in the hospital, I have looked at Eliza and burst into tears as I wonder if she will be our last baby.  Jim and I don't pretend to know what the future holds.  We've never been ones to say, "we're having ___ # of children" or "we're officially done having kids..."  In the back of my mind, I do know that this could be it and I can't really wrap my head around that.  Since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a Mum with lots of little ones (just like my Mum) and to think that the phase of my life where I have babies is over makes me tear up every time.  Jim, in his rational husband speaking to his irrational, emotional, post baby wife, tells me not to think that when I look at little Eliza, but instead to take everything a day at a time and just enjoy her.  And that's what I'm doing.  Most of the time, I am just enjoying every day.  I'm soaking up the swaddles and the middle of the night newborn feedings.  I love it when Eliza falls asleep on me and find myself worrying less about making sure she spends all her time sleeping in her bassinet.  I love these newborn days and know that they are dwindling.

Eliza has slotted right into our lives.  Her bassinet is up in our bedroom so she always has a quiet, cool place to sleep.  Lilly and Hannah want to hold her and help with her all the time.  Bath time is a constant fascination, and they both love trying to swaddle her.  Jack likes to lie down next to her and just stare.  Now that she has started smiling, he loves looking at her and trying to make her smile, but he has no real interest in holding her.  And everyone is intrigued by breastfeeding.  I've answered more questions about nipples and milk than I knew was humanly possible.  I think that after six weeks, we've all come to an understanding that only Moms can feed babies, although Hannah has changed her baby doll's name from Daisy to Eliza and constantly lifts up her shirt to feed her from her "nibbles".  As amazing as it is to watch Eliza during this time, watching the older three become big sisters and brothers again always makes me smile.

I could keep writing and writing, but I'm going to stop there and actually publish a blog post.  Otherwise, the unfinished entries will keep piling up.  Time for us to keep enjoying summer.

39 Weeks Down...1 Week to Go (hopefully...)

Time for a quick life update during what is always a busy time of year--and this time of year, even more so!

Lilly turned 6 in April, and I have to say that so far, I love 6.  Lilly is as inquisitive as ever.  She's a lot of fun to have conversations with as she has a wonderful sense of humor and can quickly pick up on sarcasm.  Lilly has just started bringing chapter books home from school, so last night after Jack and Hannah went to sleep, Lilly and I planted ourselves on my bed so I could listen to her proudly read to me about Little Bear and his Dad.  She is a huge help to me around the house, and in looking after the younger two children, especially Hannah.  As soon as Lilly comes home from school in the afternoons, Hannah disappears from my side.  She adores Lilly; she follows Lilly around and plays dress ups with her and lets Lilly do her hair.  Lilly can put Hannah on the swing or help her climb the rope ladder on the swing set in the backyard.  Watching their little relationship develop is really special, especially when I catch a glimpse of them snuggling in Lilly's bed together in the morning or sharing a bean bag while they watch a show.

Lilly's tennis tournament at Hunt Ridge!

Jack is thriving at school.  He loves his teachers and he loves his work.  We have discovered that Jack really loves learning about the world.  He has been learning all about the maps of different continents.  When he brought home his map of Europe a few weeks ago, he could tell us the name of every country in Europe, without a single word written on the map.  It's remarkable!  Now he's moved on to Asia.  He still loves his trucks but at the moment, he really loves dinosaurs.  He plays with them in his room and falls asleep with them in his bed.  He reads books about dinosaurs given any opportunity.  It's a very sweet phase, and reminds me so much of when Edward was little and would take his dinosaurs everywhere.

And Hannah.  Where do I even begin?!  Hannah and I spend a lot of time together these days while the other two are at school.  She narrates the morning away, asking questions about everything we're doing and seeing.  She "helps" with all the laundry and cleaning, especially the past few weeks while I've been doing some serious nesting.  Hannah's hair keeps getting blonder and curlier.  Her smile lights up a room--and she knows it!  She loves playing with her dolls, especially the babies and will come up to me and say things like, "Mom, is your baby coming out soon?" and "Mom, when will your baby come out to play with me?"  I can't wait to see Hannah as a big sister.

Happy to be awake on a Sunday morning :)

Doing what she does best.  Finding the monkey at Trader Joe's!

Jim and I have spent the last couple of weeks nesting.  I've washed and dusted and cleaned every corner of the house.  We've done some serious cleaning out.  Last week, I was at Goodwill almost daily, dropping off bags and bags of clothes and toys that are just taking up space in our house.  We gave lots of books to the library--books that we have read and will never read again and that were just sitting in boxes in the garage.  I have to say, it feels amazing.  I know exactly what is in everyone's closets.  I got rid of clothes that I've had in storage bins for years and years.  I went through so many "memories"--lots of which were ticket stubs and travel brochures which I will never need again.  We've cleaned up the garage and the basement.  There are no more piles of stuff.  I feel ready for this little baby to come home to our house now.

This is how these three pass the time...legos in the basement is always popular.

When Lilly wasn't feeling well one afternoon, Jack and Hannah tucked her into bed and then tucked her new American Girl doll, Samantha, into her bed next to her.  Sweet little things.  

Today, I'm 39 weeks pregnant.  Despite Jack and Hannah both being a full week late, I have it in my head that this little one will be on time.  At least, I hope he or she is on time!  Next weekend would be a great time to have a baby.  I still feel good, especially in the mornings.  I'm sleeping well.  But by the late afternoons and evenings, I've had it.  Getting everyone in and out of the car for school drop off and pick ups is not easy.  Going to the grocery store isn't easy.  I feel like I'm at the point where life will be easier with this baby out  than in.  I don't feel like the best mom to the other three at the moment, as I prefer sitting on the couch in the afternoon rather than going down to the basement to see their newest lego creation or going outside to push them on the swing.  I know that is to be expected, but I miss the snuggles and the hugs and having a little one sit on my lap while I read to them.  I have little baby feet up in my ribs and every big movement the baby makes is starting to get uncomfortable.  When I see pictures of Lilly, Jack and Hannah as newborns, I get excited.  I can't wait to have a baby in the house again.  I saw a picture the other day of Jim holding Hannah--just a few minutes old--and it made my emotional, pregnant self cry.  I love seeing Jim become a Dad again.  There's something about seeing the biggest member of the household with the tiniest that gets me every time.

I had a doctor's appointment today and hopefully won't make it to my next one, which is two days after my due date.  Mum and Dad arrive in NYC from Italy tomorrow and then the countdown is really on.  We can't wait to see who this little one is!

37 weeks...so my stomach is even bigger now, if that's possible!!

The Homestretch

April 21, 2015...34 years old and 35 weeks pregnant!

On Tuesday, I will be 37 weeks pregnant.  A week ago, I would have told you I could keep this baby in forever.  Now, I feel every bit of those 37 weeks.  At my doctor's appointment this week, she told me the baby is measuring bigger than my other babies (maybe it's a boy?) and that he or she is head down but other than that, showing no signs of coming anytime soon.  That's exactly what I expected her to say! My stomach feels huge, and as Jack and Hannah both showed me, my babies like to hang out as long as they can before making their arrivals into the world.  I'm sleeping well and I start every day feeling great--I've still been going to the gym (although my "cardio" these days consists of the elliptical and walking on the treadmill), and I've been doing my half hour of weight circuits 3-4 times a week.  They're nothing crazy (although you should see the stares I get at the gym) and I don't use heavy weights, but they're enough to keep my muscles moving and make me feel like I'm in some sort of shape, no matter how large my stomach may be!  By the end of each day, I'm exhausted.  My body is just tired.  It's tired from putting little ones in and out of the car, pushing them on swings, going up and down stairs...all with an extra 18 pounds on my stomach.

When my doctor told me to rest as much as possible in the weeks ahead, I just nodded my head and smiled.  She looked over at Hannah who had asked a million questions about the baby and the heartbeat and for more snacks along with "When is the baby coming out?" and "Why is the baby in mommy's tummy?"...and then laughed and said, "you probably don't get that much rest anyway, do you?"  But the past couple of days, I've tried to be smart.  I've been lying down while Hannah naps and Jack has his quiet time.  Jim has been a huge help, encouraging me to take a step back and rest more.  Last night, Jim took all three little ones to Lilly's soccer practice so that I could lie down.  It's hard to do, because there are still a lot of things I would like to do before this baby is born.  None of them are essential and many may be easier afterwards when I don't feel so big with so much pressure, but they're things that would be nice to have out of the way.  This weekend, Jim is taking the little ones to Villanova and I'm having the weekend to myself.  I might make some new little newborn hats and wash some little onesies but besides that, I have no plans...it's going to be heaven.

The baby's movements are slowing down, which always happens towards the end.  There are no more flips in my stomach, probably because the baby is now living in tight quarters, but now I get lots of jabs and pokes and feet going from one side to the other.  The baby has the hiccups all the time.  The other day while I was lying down, I felt something that I have never felt with the other three.  While my hand was on my stomach, I could feel this little one breathing.  My stomach was going in and out (just slightly) at the rapid pace of a baby's breath.  It was amazing, and lasted until the baby changed positions.  As I get closer and closer to my due date, I get more excited to find out who this little person is.  I can't wait for this baby to meet his or her older siblings.  I can't wait to see Jim become a Dad again and to see how Lilly, Jack and Hannah all react to having a newborn in our house.  Those are the thoughts that get me through those last couple of weeks.  I know what is coming, and I know how amazing it will be.  I can't wait.

Spring Break 2015

Spring Break has come and gone.  The weather was gorgeous, we had no school drop offs or pick ups, and we got a little taste of what summer will be like (+ a newborn)! We met friends at the park--friends that we don't usually get to see because they're all at school.  We played out in the back yard and rode bikes in the culdesac.  We went to the zoo and got ice cream.  We had friends over to play and have a pizza picnic outside.  We painted nails and read books and drew with chalk and rode scooters.  At the end of every day, the little ones were exhausted and I was really exhausted but this week home together just reaffirmed for me how our family works best.  I love having everyone home from school.  I love letting them wake up when they want and lounge in their pajamas and take their time eating breakfast and play with whatever lego/doll/dinosaur combination usually fancies their interests first thing in the morning.

I'm not pretending every minute at home with these three is easy and full of smiles and children playing nicely--that's not the case at all.  There are moments when Lilly is telling on Jack and Jack is telling on Hannah and Hannah is telling everyone else what to or shrieking for no reason.  There are moments when they're all talking at once and everyone has some comment to make about what they would like for dinner and how they really didn't feel like eating what I made.  There are moments when my phone rings and Hannah takes advantage of the distraction to run into a corner and go to the bathroom, and then announces to everyone that "I peed in my pants," with a huge grin on her face while Lilly and Jack chuckle in disbelief.  At one point, Jack came in to get everyone cups of water for outside and ended up with ice all over the kitchen floor, more water on the floor than was actually in the cups...and a big proud smile on his face because he got everyone 3 (almost full) cups of iced water.  The loads of laundry and the mess are endless as are the constant requests for snacks.  "No--we just had breakfast/lunch/dinner... " was probably my most used phrase over spring break.  We all took full advantage of nap time and quiet time every day--Hannah and I would often take 2 hour naps while Jack and Lilly had their time to play and read on their own.  I got to use some quiet time to listen to Lilly read, which is something that I want to do all the time but which I rarely have the opportunity to do quietly as there are always other children around asking questions.  Parts of the week were exhausting and frustrating, just like life in general.  But I would have weeks like this over and over again if I could.

I spent a lot of the week smiling.  One morning, I watched them trace each other with chalk on the driveway before going around the back for a picnic lunch.  I would see Lilly pushing Hannah on the swing while Jack was spinning himself around in circles on the tire swing.  Hannah learned how to climb up the rope ladder by herself (while giving me minor heart attacks) so that she can be up on the playground with the other two.  One afternoon, I sat outside with my iced coffee trying to pretend I wasn't there (which never works--as soon as I'm out there, they want me to play).  But, they know I've got a "giant tummy" at the moment and that means I don't run around in circles with them so eventually, I got to sit and just watch.  I watched them chase each other around in circles shrieking and yelling "try and catch me!" and the hysterical laughter that ensued when one of them caught the other.  I watched them play their "family" game where Jack is Jim, Lilly is me and Hannah is "Little Katie."  We're not sure why or where Little Katie came from, but it's been consistent enough over the past few months that if you called Little Katie across the yard, Hannah would come running.  When I see these three little people make each other laugh--real, belly laughs--I watch and smile.  Last week, they got to do what children are supposed to do.  They got to run and jump and climb and play games.  They got to choose their own clothes and I didn't have to worry about things matching.  They learned how to solve problems together and they were happy.  I was happier.  6 more weeks of school, and then we get to do this all summer.

The owl was Hannah's favorite animal at the zoo!

Jack asked me to take a picture of him and the turtle to "send to Uncle Joefy!"

The ducks were a pretty big hit too.

A 34th Birthday, a Second Birthday, and a Trip to the Dentist

Hannah is TWO!

March has been quite the month in our house.  Jim turned 34.  Hannah turned 2.  We've had lots of Stephens family visitors in and out.  Baby Clark #4 is growing up a storm, as is my ever expanding stomach.  My goal of sitting down to write once a week is clearly proving to be a difficult one.  I've been tutoring a lot on weeknights and teaching ACT classes on weekends.  My only real down time is when Hannah is napping during the day while Jack has his quiet time, and for the past two weeks, I've taken advantage of that time to nap myself.  The third trimester brings fatigue along with it--so far, it's not like the unbelievable exhaustion that I experienced during the first trimester but it sneaks up on me pretty quickly during the afternoon hours and having that extra hour or so of sleep during the day is amazing.

Making a giant birthday card for Jim

What more could a Dad want for his birthday?!

And then, a week later, this little one turned two!

We've had sneak peeks of spring, and just when we think the warm weather is here to stay, the snow creeps back in.  I've filled the house with tulips and daffodils, thinking that might help bring spring, but so far March has proved to be its usual, unpredictable self.  This was our backyard in early March:

Not too happy about having to come inside while the big kids were still playing in the snow!

We're at a good place with the little ones.  As is always the case before a new baby arrives, Jim and I often look at each other when Lilly, Jack and Hannah are all playing together nicely or when we're having a (mostly) civilized meal around the table, and ask ourselves why we're doing this again?!  But, having been through this three times now, I know that it's nice to welcome a baby into a house where things are running smoothly.  It's good that life with these three feels "normal."  As much as I know how crazy those first few months are, I'm dying to have a baby in the house again.  Our "baby Hannah" is no longer a baby.  She's still a great little snuggler and if you ask her for a cuddle at any point in the day, she usually responds with a "sure!" and comes running over for a hug.  Unfortunately, that hug lasts for maybe 10 seconds before she's off and running with Lilly and Jack, but it's still a hug.

Our weekends have been relatively quiet--birthday parties here and there, and there have been some busy tutoring and teaching days, but we've had plenty of lazy weekend days by the fire.  One Sunday morning, Jim and I actually sat by the fire and read (and dozed!) for a couple of hours while the little three entertained themselves.  The basement looked like a bomb went off at the end of the morning, but everyone was happy and unharmed, and all it took was a good half hour of cleaning up to get things back in order.    

In heaven, bouncing and sliding at Peter's birthday party. You can't see Hannah, but she is at the top of the slide about to join in the chaos.

Hannah's new dollhouse is a huge hit!

These are the Clark Family dolls that Ellie and I painted Hannah for her birthday.

Lifting dollhouse weights with Gigi

You can't make these moments up...a snapshot in time that I was lucky enough to witness one Saturday morning.

Playing their all time favorite game...dress up.  I'm always amazed...they have a basement full of toys and dressing up wins every time!

And then, I can't forget our trip to the dentist.  I made appointments for Lilly and Jack to have their teeth cleaned and of course, Hannah ended up with her own appointment after seeing the other two have their fun. And she loved every second of it.  All three of them keep asking to go back--if only I loved the dentist as much as they do!  I can't wait to remind them of this one day.

And so ends another busy month.  Here's a few more glimpses into Clark family life during March, doing typical March things.

Hannah, chatting on her graphing calculator phone while Jim does the taxes.

These three love any reason for a celebration.  St. Patrick's Day is no exception.