Coming Up for Air

Life.  When I look back on the last couple of months, I am in awe of all that has taken place within our little family.  I know that I am no different from most people--everyone has busy lives.  Many mothers are trying to balance family and exercise and work and cooking and cleaning.  Finding that perfect combination of looking after myself, looking after my relationship with Jim and looking after our little ones is not easy. While I don't work 40 hours a week in an office, I head out many evenings to tutor, and then often on weekends to teach.  I made this deal with myself--I would only do this if it makes me happier.  Jim has been very upfront about that too--he does not want me to ever feel like I have to go out and tutor.  I have to say that as tired as I am at the end of the day, I love sitting down with the high school kids and helping them try and make sense of a subject that many can't stand and see no point to learning (ahem, Edward).  I like watching the wheels turn in their heads and see the pride in their faces when something that they've been confused about for weeks all of a sudden clicks.  I enjoy teaching and tutoring and being able to stay home during the day to raise three special little people who light up my days with their smiles and their stories and their songs, and who are growing up much too quickly.

April has been quite the month for our family.  Lilly turned five, and all of a sudden, seems to be a real little girl.  She is reading more; she's writing stories and notes and lists and signs; she's riding her new bike, without training wheels; she's intrigued by numbers and what they mean and how to write them and how to add them; she stays after school for activities three days a week now, so she's one step closer to being one of the revered "lunch bunchers" next year.  She has planted some herbs and is asking so many questions about taking care of a garden.  She has learned all the words to the Frozen song, "Let it Go" and sings it all.the.time.  It's not uncommon at bedtime to hear Jack yell downstairs, "Mum...Dad...Lilly's singing Frozen AGAIN..." She has decided (with Jim's help) that tennis is "her sport" and loves playing outside with her tennis racquet given any opportunity.  She's so much fun to be around and I love seeing the little girl that she's growing up to be.

Seeing her first movie in the theater--Rio 2, courtesy of Auntie Ellie

Jack is sleeping away in his big bed.  He made the adjustment relatively seamlessly.  We seem to have moved past the "get out of bed 200 times to go to the bathroom even though I just went" phase.  I had no idea that one person could go to the bathroom so many times in such a short period of time!  The bonus to this was that we said goodbye to diapers at night for Jack, because we were so sick of taking it off and putting it on every time he had to go to the bathroom.  So that was the end of that, and he's done so well!  Let me give you an idea of what Jack's bed looks like on any given night.  If I were to go in and check on him now, I would find at least 15 trains (Emily, Belle, Diesel 10 and Kevin, along with whatever other trains he felt like bringing up tonight) and another 10 books right next to him, including Tough Trucks, Flashing Fire Engines, Trains, and Trucks.  Jack will have Elmo and Pete the Cat, along with his dump truck pillow and his blanket.  And you'll find all these things around his head, which seems like a less than ideal way to sleep, in my opinion. So really, about 75% of Jack's bed is taken up with things other than Jack.  I dare you to try and take something away--he will notice before you're even out the door.

Hannah, being a typical third child, popped two molars last week and I had no idea until she bit down on my finger while we were playing a game.  There they were, two full fledged top molars!  She's taking steps here and there but still prefers crawling as her primary mode of transportation.  She couldn't be any sweeter.  She had a tiny little haircut to get some of the hair out of her face, so we've taken to calling her Carol Brady, especially when she has these two little curls that flare out on either side of her face when she wakes up in the morning or after a bath.    

Over the past few weeks, we found a house that we love, in a great neighborhood in Fairfield.  It is a house where Lilly, Jack and Hannah can ride their bikes outside; it's across the street from a park with ducks; it's a couple of miles away from the beach; and it just feels right.  We're in the final stages of signing contracts and doing all the official things you have to do when you buy a house, and are cautiously optimistic about our move in July.  It's not a huge house, but it will be filled with lots of love and is a house where Jim and I can both see our family thriving in the years ahead.

33rd birthday celebrations

Jim is going through a difficult time at work--a time that I know he'll remember forever.  It's one of those experiences that you have to have in order to make you a stronger person, and although no one wants to go through what Jim has been going through, it's been a reality check.  It's made him think about what he really wants to do with his life.  We've talked a lot about what makes us happy and what is really important in our lives.  It has been a time that has made our relationship and our family stronger and I know that one day, Jim will be telling Lilly, Jack and Hannah about these weeks and how they helped him grow.

A bedtime snuggle--the things that really matter in life.

Ellie is staying with us while she gets settled back in the US, and that has been such a treat.  She has brought a lot of laughter and fun into our house.  The little ones adore her and I love watching Ellie's interactions with them.  Her patience is admirable (a trait she must have inherited from Dad).  No, really, Ellie is so unbelievably patient with Lilly, Jack and Hannah.  It's not easy being surrounded by three very little children all day every day, especially when she doesn't even have her own space in our house.  She reads to them and lets them climb all over her.  She does puzzles on repeat and has perfected her "Duck, Duck, Goose" skills.  Sometimes, she just can't help herself--I'll see such an Ellie look on her face before she blurts out something that she knows is going to drive one of them crazy, purely for the reaction.  Like telling Jack that Whiff is her favorite train--NOT Emily.  Or telling Lilly that she looks like a tiger because she's wearing stripes--and Lilly repeatedly tells Ellie that she wants to be called by her real name--none of these made up names that Ellie has for her.  Over the past few weeks, the little ones have learned when to back off--as I saw growing up with Ellie, when she wants to be left alone, you better leave her alone.  They caught on quickly; there's no jumping on Ellie's bed and tickling her in the morning unless she's had TWO cups of coffee.  It's easy having Ellie here. I never have to explain to her how to enforce the rules.  She just knows.  And boy, have I come to fully appreciate having an extra set of (grown up) hands all day.  Not to mention the fact that Ellie and I haven't spent this much time together since summers in college.  Oh, and it helps that she has perfected an unbelievable mango margarita recipe.

This month, I turned 33 and Jim and I celebrated 7 years of being married.  Our wedding feels like it was yesterday and an eternity ago at the same time.  As clearly as I can remember our newly married days, I can't imagine our life any differently from the way it is now.  I love Jim more than I did the day I married him.  I have three little people who have taught me how to be a Mum.  I'm a pretty happy person these days.  How many more things could we pack into April?  I have to say that I'm ready for May; ready for the warmer weather; ready for school to wind down and tutoring to dwindle a bit; I'm ready to come up for air and relax and enjoy life for a little while.  I've stopped having unreasonable expectations about how much and how often I want to write.  I've started running regularly and I now miss it when I don't start off my days with fresh air while I watch the sun rise.  I've been reading more and facebooking less.  So, with that, I say goodbye to April (and hopefully the cold weather and rain as well).  Let's see what May has in store for us.

Birth-A-Versary Number 7--enjoying some Veuve Clicquot courtesy of Mum and Dad

To Hannah, On Your First Birthday

*I wrote most of this letter to Hannah the night before her first birthday, exactly one month ago.  It is fitting that it has taken me almost a month to sit down and finish it.  When you're the third, you're born into a busy little family.  So, I'm posting this one month later, solely for lack of time and certainly not lack of love. I'm not sure it's possible to love little Hannah more without my heart exploding.

Dear Hannah,

How do I begin to describe you?  The words smiley, cuddley and toothy grin all come to mind.  When I think about you, I smile.  When I look at you with her seven (well, as of yesterday, eight) teeth, I smile.  When I hear you babbling away or muttering under your breath when you're angry, I smile.  When I see you dancing on your knees to Lilly and Jack singing "Domick the Donkey" or "I Like to Move It," I smile.  When I see you sucking your left thumb (or your right thumb, but it's clearly the "wrong" way as you turn your hand backwards to make it feel like your left thumb), I smile.  When I describe you to others, you sound too good to be true, but I'm still waiting for the catch.

The first year of your life has gone by too fast, as all years with so many happy memories have a tendency to do.  I often think back to the minutes after you were born, holding you on my chest in disbelief that such an amazing, perfect little person had just joined our family.  I wondered what role you would play in our family and what life as a family of 5 would be like.  Now, as I look back, it's hard to imagine our Little Clark Family (or LCF, as Gigi and Papa call us) without you.  Every month, on the 18th of the month, I would stop and shake my head in disbelief that you were another month older.  But as I look back on this year, I have no regrets.  I fully enjoyed your first year.  I appreciated all the newborn snuggles and night feedings--I never wished them away but before I knew it, they were gone.  I had a much clearer perspective when I became a mother for the third time.  Instead of counting down the days until the night feedings came to an end, I saw them as times when we would snuggle and you'd fall asleep on me.  They have been my only real quiet times with you.  Don't get me wrong, when you started sleeping all night, I was happy to get full nights of sleep again, but I still miss those still, quiet times that I had with you.  I loved the swaddles and the tiny diapers and your perfect little fingers and toes that looked too small to be real and your first smile and first giggles.  I loved your spiky hair--which is so fitting now that I know more about your little personality one year later.  I loved your chubby little cheeks and thighs, and I fully appreciated the extra month of sitting-but-not-yet-crawling that you gave us.  I loved watching you learn to crawl and still laugh when I see how quickly you can get across the house when you want something--your head down and your little hands slapping the ground so that I can hear you coming from the other side of the house.  I love watching you walk with your little straight legs while holding onto two grown-up's fingers.  I know that once the walking days start, those few months of crawling are over forever so I'm cherishing your motoring around.  I loved making you pureed fruit and veggies and I still enjoy watching your determined face as you pick up blueberries with your little pincers.  I'm hanging on to those last breastfeeding days, as I know they're numbered and just as the night feedings came to a natural conclusion, these last little feeding sessions will soon be over.

You have brought nothing but joy into this world.  Everyone who looks at you smiles--and you have quickly learned that you have this ability to make people smile.  You rub pear through your hair at breakfast so that your hair sticks out in every direction.  Jack and Lilly think is hysterical, so you do it again and again and again.  You crawl over to the back doors, pull yourself up and start knocking and waving (still with your hand pointing towards yourself) whenever you see anyone walking in from the driveway.  You smile and wave to all the shoppers and cashiers at Trader Joes, from your little seat in the shopping cart.  In return, everyone stops and waves and smiles at you, and comments on your sweet smile or your pretty blue eyes.  I watch you turn peoples' heads--people who think they're too busy and important to stop and smile at a baby always stop and smile at you.  When Dad gets home from work, you bounce up and down on your knees and clap your hands in excitement.  You crawl over to him as fast as you can and immediately pull the glasses off his face (which you then try and put back on, but usually you end up poking him in the eye). Your bright blue eyes light up a room. You touch your mouth with your little pointer when you look at Papa, asking him to make his "popping" sound again.  You say more at 1-year old than your older sister or brother did, which leads me to believe our house isn't getting any quieter in the years ahead.  You say "Mama, Dada, Papa, Pop, Jack, yuck, wow, oh-oh, hi, woof and cheese" just to name a few words.

Anytime you are angry, food is usually involved.  In the car, while we're waiting to pick up Lilly from school and I turn to check on you and Jack in the back seat, I see this little arm sticking out from your car seat, with your hand wide open--as subtle reminder that you'd like a snack or some milk.  At mealtimes, if you see food on Lilly and Jack's plate and not yours, you get angry.  And heaven forbid I try and slip the older two ice cream for dessert without you seeing--your little hawk eyes know that any food that comes out after dinner is good.  So, at a whole 12  months old, you get to partake in our nightly dessert ritual.  You eat the entire top off the mini ice cream cone in one bite, shake and shudder because it's so cold, and then grin with a face covered in ice cream.

I have to agree with one of Papa's comments on a photo of you a few weeks ago when he said, "Babies do not get any better than Hannah." It's so true.  

Thank you for your laughs and your cuddles and dancing.  Thank you for making our lives more fun than I thought possible.  Thank you for being our daughter.  I can't wait to watch you grow up.  While the first year of your life has been amazing, I know it only gets better from here.

Happy First Birthday, dear little Hannah.

Love,
Mum.

An (Eerily) Quiet Afternoon

Two Hours.  I have two whole hours to myself today, while Jack and Hannah are asleep and Lilly is over playing at a friend's house.  It's eerily quiet and I keep looking at the clock, feeling like there's something else I should be doing.  I've folded laundry and cleaned up after lunch.  I've paid bills and ordered birthday presents.  I've prepared (as much as one can prepare) for the impending snow that we're supposed to get tonight and tomorrow.  I've checked everything off my to do list for the day.  I've organized my tutoring for tonight and so now, I really have nothing else that I should be doing.

From the earliest hours of the morning, today has been a good day.  I went out last night for a girls' night with some of my favorite people.  What an amazing feeling it is to be able to sit and chat over dinner and drinks, without little people running around and interrupting our conversation at every possible chance.  We all laughed and drank (well, those of us who aren't pregnant) and left saying that we had to do this more often.  Even though I went to bed later than normal, I woke up feeling refreshed.  Then, when I checked my email early this morning, I found an email from Edward waiting in my inbox.  I smiled, knowing that Edward's emails are like really good short stories, so I read it and caught up on Edward and Kristin's life in Singapore and beyond.  Dad has always told us that what you read first thing in the morning is really important to setting the tone for your day.  If you read something negative, you start your day off on a negative note, so reading about Edward's wonderful life in Singapore set the tone for my day.  I was instantly in a good mood.

After dropping Lilly off at school, I walked out to the mailbox and discovered that with the usual junk that arrives and goes straight into the recycling, was an envelope from Joseph.  I opened it to discover the most thoughtful note and wonderful book.  It's a book where I can write down one memory a day--for 5 years.  A few weeks ago, Joseph sent me an email after reading one of my blogs, and I told him that I love writing them and was making it a goal in 2014 to sit down and write more, because there is so much that I want to remember from this time in my life.  So, Joseph who loves notebooks and writing, sent me the perfect book that will encourage me to write more.  It's so simple and so brilliant.  I can't wait to use it.

At dinner last night, some of the girls asked about our family and I love looking at everyone's faces when I tell them that Mum and Dad are in Austin but coming up to visit at the beginning of March before they head over to Singapore for a few months.  And that Ellie is in Guatemala but may move to Stamford.  And Joseph was in Austin but is currently living in San Francisco, doing a job that he loves.  Oh, and he's stopping up to visit next weekend (!!!) while he's over on the east coast.  And Edward is working away at an amazing job in Singapore, enjoying life with Kristin and traveling at every opportunity.  It's hard to love people so much, and have them be so far away.  Yes, we Skype all the time, and send emails and everyone comes to visit us but we haven't been able to get together like we used to.  Ellie may have the opportunity to work in Stamford, which would be so close to us that I almost can't believe it, but I'm trying not to let myself get too excited in case it doesn't happen.  I know that no matter what, we'll all be together at some point this year.  We have a lot to celebrate.  Mum and Dad just celebrated 35 years of being married.  Mum will turn 60 in July.  Ellie is doing a half-Ironman in September, and you can bet that every person in our family, no matter where they are in the world, will be there to cheer Ellie on, as she has been the most amazing spectator at all of our races.  I'm already dreaming up things to write on signs.

Just as I decided I was going to make time to write more this year, I also decided that I was going to spend less time using social media.  I barely go on Facebook anymore, and I find myself happier.  What little free time I have does not need to be spent looking at what 500 of my closest friends are doing on a daily basis.  I do love Instagram though, and have decided that is where I will spend my "social media" time.  It's so simple and drama free.  In the past few weeks, I have been able to see videos of Mum rowing and surreal pictures of Ellie and her work in Guatemala; I've seen photos of Edward and Kristin with tiger cubs and elephants; photos of Dad and Edward walking in the gardens and drinking beer together in Singapore; photos of Joseph posing on top of monuments across the United States; photos of the gorgeous little animals that Mum knits and sends to lucky little babies all over the world; photos of my nieces and nephews as they grow up a few states away; photos of my friends and their little ones playing in the snow (which is all we seem to be able to do these days); photos of Joseph and Dad doing races.  One of my favorite Instagram photos is one that Joseph took, of Mum and Dad taking a "selfie" on Dad's birthday, that Edward reposted on their anniversary.  I never close Instragram and feel annoyed, as I do often when I'm on Facebook.  That's how I know what I should make time for and what I should get rid of in my life.    

I didn't know what I was going to write when I sat down today.  I know that in the near future, I want to write about Lilly jumping in the pool fearlessly at swimming and Jack walking around the house saying things like "Oh, the indignity..." as he imitates Gordon the train.  I want to write about Hannah who follows me around the house putting everything she finds on the floor in her mouth, "cruising for floor snacks," as Lilly says.  I want to write about the seemingly never-ending snow and Lilly and Jack playing in the snow.  But in the quiet of this afternoon, my mind wandered around the world.

Mum and Dad taking their first "selfie"

The "selfie" itself.

 

Two Blue Eyes, Seven Little Teeth, Ten Months Old

2 little teeth...Nov 30 2013

Hannah is currently in one of my favorite baby stages.  Of course, each stage is special.  There's nothing like a newborn, swaddled up and sleeping on your chest.  A toddler running around and chatting and playing and discovering the world is pretty special.  And being able to have conversations with your little ones as they transform from toddlers into real little children is astonishing.  But there's something about a 10 month old that I just love.  Actually, there are lots of things.

Hannah has chubby, leathery knees, from lots of food and crawling.  She has yet to turn away a single item of food.  The girl eats everything from parsnip and pomegranate seeds (not together, of course) to broccoli and beets.  She loves chicken.  She loves spaghetti sauce (Gigi's famous meat sauce is her sauce of choice, which I believe was the first real food that I took a liking to when I was little)! She enjoys yogurt and cheese.  She adores Vegemite.  Really, the only problem I have at the moment is not feeding her too much, as she gets really cross when she's finished eating.  She locks her arms out straight and clenches her teeth together and lets out some grunts and growls that make all of us laugh.  I used to be able to distract her with a teething ring when she had finished, but now, when I hand her that teething ring, she's onto me.  She puts it in her mouth, as if to appease me, smiles, and then tosses it onto the floor before requesting more feed (clenching teeth, grunting, growling...)

I dare you to take a look at Hannah's toothy grin and not smile.  It's impossible.  She currently has seven teeth.  Seven.  As Dad says, she's in full on Nascar driver mode.  She looks like a little baby, and then she smiles and this little mouth is full of teeth!  Hannah has been a teething dream--she doesn't act any differently at all (a runny nose here and there or a squeal in the night) and then she wakes up with a new tooth.  There was the week in December when she got all four of her top teeth in one week, and spent the week her happy, smiley self.  Having spent the last few years watching Jack, who hasn't been the easiest teether, I fully appreciate every little tooth that makes its way through Hannah's gums in such an unobtrusive fashion.

January 2014...7 teeth!

Hannah is learning how she fits into our family.  She just adores Lilly.  They sit next to each other in the car, and Hannah laughs and plays and blurts with Lilly endlessly.  When I snap her car seat in each morning, the first thing she does is look over to see if Lilly is in her car seat next to her.  Lilly, in turn, adores Hannah.  Every day, when she comes home from school, she asks if she can have some time to play with Hannah before I take her upstairs for her nap.  She reads to her, builds her towers to knock over, and crawls around the house with her.  I see the relationship between the oldest and the youngest unfolding, and it's definitely a special one.

Hannah and Jack are little buddies.  They are so close together in age and with each day that goes by, that gap seems to get smaller.  Hannah spends her mornings crawling around, checking out whatever Jack is doing.  If Jack is doing a puzzle, Hannah is right next to him eating puzzle pieces.  If he's setting up train tracks and playing with his trains, then Hannah is pulling herself up on the train table to see what's going on.  These two have an understanding.  Jack lets Hannah eat his puzzle pieces or his drill that belongs to his take-apart airplane (one of his favorite toys at the moment), but as soon as he needs to use it, he tells Hannah that it's "Jack's turn" and she drops it.  As soon as he says it, she just lets go.  I have no idea how long this will last, but for now, this little 10 month old and 2 year old have an understanding when it comes to playing with toys, and it makes me smile every time.  Jack loves reading to Hannah too, and she's a very patient audience.  She lets Jack hold the book, turn the pages, and claps whenever he's finished reading.    

This time last year, little Hannah wasn't a part of our lives yet.  Now, she's a 10.5 month old with her own little personality, who makes all of our lives brighter every day.

One of her many fantastic expressions

A 4-Year-Old's Book Club

This year at school, Lilly has entered the world of learning how to read.  Her little eyes, which are always eager to take in the world around her, have been opened to the language of books and it is so amazing to be a part of.  She has always loved listening to stories and has grown rather adept at convincing Jim to read "just one more book" before bed each night, but Jim's hour long bedtime routine deserves its own entry, so we'll save that for another time.

Lilly started off the year bringing home BOB books, which are a great introduction for children learning to sound out words.  Unfortunately, the story lines run a little thin, and as Lilly's teacher told us, the children tend to get sick of these books rather quickly, as lines like, "Sam sat on Mat. Mat sat on Sam," are not too captivating.  But, they do the trick and teach the little ones that they can sound out words on their own.  Lilly was more than eager to check off her 10 Bob books and start bringing home her "tall red number tab" books.  So far in this series, we've read about "Mac and Tab," "The Tin Man," "Al," "Tim," "The Jet," "Ben Bug," and the latest one that Lilly brought home was "Ed."

These books are so sweet, and at around 20 pages long, take a great deal of patience and concentration for Lilly to read.  We often sit down and read a book that Lilly has brought home during quiet time, and it's amazing to watch how quickly things start to click.  She has a whole bank of sight words in her head that she no longer has to sound out.  She's learned the difference between "b" and "d," which are two confusing little letters.  Watching her little tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrates never fails to make me smile.  And then, when she read me this story about Ed the Elephant, who ends up shooting water out of his trunk to get a nut off the rail, she cracks herself up.  That's the best part--listening to her read a story that she thinks is hysterical.  When she finishes each book, she smiles proudly.  She often reads it to us again on the way to school the next day.  And then, inevitably at some point, Jack sees the book and asks Lilly if she can read it to him.  As Jack sits next to Lilly so patiently, watching her with admiration while she makes sense of these words that he sees on each page, my heart melts.

After Lilly reads to Jim or me, she always wants us to read to her.  So, not only have we entered the world of Lilly learning to read, but we have also entered the world of chapter books and we're having a blast.  I don't know who enjoys these books more--Jim and I or Lilly.  We have a whole collection growing of books we're going to read together, or books that Lilly can read by herself as she gets older. 

At the moment, we're engrossed in the Magic Tree House books.  The storyline each time is simple--Jack and Annie found a magic tree house that takes them to different places.  All they have to do is point to a picture in a book and the tree house will take them there.  They spend their time in these various places getting through whatever obstacles they encounter and inevitably becoming trapped and trying to escape from the villain.  As we were reading one about pirates the other day, we finished a chapter where Jack and Annie were taken captive on board a pirate ship until they were willing to show the pirate (Cap'n Bones) where the treasure is and Lilly looked at me wide eyed and slammed the book shut, announcing that we could save the rest for tomorrow.  We picked it up again the next day, and she started off by saying that she knew Jack and Annie would be okay but she just wasn't sure how they were going to get off the ship.  She couldn't wait for them to get back to the tree house and point to the picture of their home town in Pennsylvania so the tree house could take them home.  This world of reading is fun.  Lots of fun.  And it's only just beginning.  I know how much I love lying in bed at night, falling asleep reading a good book, and I can't wait for her to do the same thing.  

I'm off to start "Night of the Ninjas."  Wish me luck.  This is a topic that I don't have a whole lot of interest in, but I'm hoping that Jack and Annie mix things up a little bit.  Maybe the tree house leaves them there.  Or the ninja takes their book and they can't get home.  What I do know is that Lilly will hide behind a pillow at some point.  And that with each book we read, her love of reading will grow just a little bit more.